I have cried myself to sleep literally everyday this past week. I need an outlet. I want the pain and the mistrust to go away. I need trust. I never knew I was this codependent- I thought I was stronger than this. I feel so incomplete. I feel so cheated. I feel remorse. I feel regret. I wish I could go back in time and right whatever I did wrong to make this happen. I thought I did it all right. I thought I was making the good choices, I still think I did.

I’m turning on myself- everything is what you make of it so I did this to myself. I should be furious with myself. I can’t be though- I’m the only person on my team. I don’t know how to fix it; I just need it fixed.